Monday, February 27, 2006

He's just too...grammatically incorrect! or Homo(nym)phobia

While perusing the personals this evening, a photo piqued my interest, enough so that I peeked at the accompanying ad. Beneath the fetching exterior, I found this literate wench...who happens to be just a little picky about the grammar of her dates. She describes her match as such:

You know the difference between 'their,' 'they're' and 'there.'

Nothing wrong with that of course- I certainly enjoy a person who knows their homonyms- unless you go on to write:

You enjoy home cooked meals as much as going out to a trendy restuarant. that some fancy European or archaic spelling? Perhaps one finds Ye Trendee Restuarant next to Ye Olde Shoppe? And then, describing her unique self:

I don't fit easily into any category or mold, and am constantly surprising myself, my family, and my friend's with the many (seemingly conflicting) facets of my personality. I am unique and 'complex,' (i.e., my family and my friend's explanation as to why I am not easily sorted and paired off within the 'mundane' masses).

Yup...ya gots to know yer 'their,' 'they're' and 'there.' , but not to worry if you can't write a simple fucking PLURAL!!!!!* (Sam Kinison rant mode off) Perhaps she is not so different from the mundane masses as she thinks.

Ah well...when it comes to women and their dating preferences, there is one immutable constant a poor guy can count on- that they're consistently inconsistent. But it's their game, and they get to make the rules. It's up to us suitors to obey, or ignore them at our peril.**

So if I behave myself grammatically, it's quite possible I'd be invited on lot's of date's with Our Lady of the Apostrophe.

But I fear my interest in her has peaked.


The Berndog
P.S. Oh yes, oh yes...I am going to hell.
*yes, in the second case, it should be a plural possessive, not just a simple plural.
**to be taken tongue firmly in cheek, please...we'll have no ad homonym attacks in this blog!


Jo Ann said...

Okay this is fucking brilliant work. I nearly peed my pants! Or is it pissed?

Peed? Pead? Pee-ed? Pissed?

Perhaps I should pray to Our Lady of the Apostrophe for guidance? I am sure she can save me's from myself.


Melissa, Mistress of the Octothorpe said...

Oh I LOVE this one!

"Our Lady of the Apostrophe" -- *snort*